The long awaited sequel to one of the best movies of the nineties.

Bring me the barf bag.

There. Half of the readers are probably turned away. I managed to do this in reviews of some other movies. Only those who cared stayed and read the review. Or so I think.

Back when the first Matrix came, it was greeted enthusiastically all around the world. Everyone was terribly excited. And I walked into the theater with my then girlfriend - both exhausted from too much of walk that time (walk, really, not anything else). It was a great movie, alright. The special effects were mind blowing. But alas, both of us slept through the dialogue scenes. They were either boring, or we were too tired.

Zoom forward to 2003. I am thirty years old, and have gained a couple of kilos, and lost both my hair and girlfriend. Would I view this movie differently? I lowered my expectation. I lowered the anticipation of one-upping mind blowing effects.  Guess what? It turned out to be one of the most joyless experiences in movie watching since I walked into the theater and slept through Kevin Costner's Wyatt Earp.

I mean, come on. The effects are great. But do you have to go on and on with the scene. There was a scene where Neo fights with more than one agent Smith, all his replicas. Watching a few agent Smith getting trashed by Neo was exciting. Then, it went on. More Smiths, and all that was missing were the 'Kappow!" and "Wham" balloons. I do know that anime and other form of comics have certain influence in this movie, but come on. The directors became what Lucas became albeit in a shorter span of time, an exhibitionist.

And the dialogues. Oh god of the movies, please rescue me. There is this scene where Keanu's Neo meets the Oracle, an old lady who would have just a day before been making living collecting old cans. The lady offers candy to Neo. And what followed was a long dull dialogue session about making a choice on accepting the candy. I had to grip myself, forcing myself to sit in my chair. I could feel my body levitating forcefully, wanting to leave the cinema.

And there are more and more dialogues. People in this movie, when not fighting, love to talk. They just yak, yak and yak all the time. The dialogues have about much emotion as the wooden benches in a park Neo and Oracle were warming their ass on. While this is supposed to be an action movie, I bet the script is about as thick as a stack of encyclopedias, thanks to the dialogues.

Even though I enjoy action and sci-fi movies like any other movie-buff, I have this affinity for good characterisation and dialogues. It's both or either one. The first three Star Wars, while bewildered us with effects, had great characters, and corny dialogues that were actually fun. But here, you don't care about any one of the characters. All of them talk in monotonous tone, as if any change in the pitch might effect the set or upset the nervous directors. Given a chance, I would have killed all of them - bad guys included - and start civilisation all over. Okay, I'll excuse some of the gorgeous babes though.

But of course, this is not that bad a movie. The effect is top notch. There was this scene in the Freeway where the camera was following Trinity (that delicious Carey Ann Moss), and it actually swooped under a moving truck and came out. Whoa! That was spellbinding. And so was the fight scene on top of the truck. Brilliantly executed. I had never witnessed such technical proficiency. Beats the recent Star Wars movies any time. But what's the point. I don't want to see the movie again. In fact, I don't want to remember it.

Oh, Matrix Revolution is coming at the end of this year. Can't wait to see it.