I must said this a thousand times - I have stopped watching new Tamil movies with exception of Rajini and Kamal's movies. I also make exception with directors K. Balachander and Maniratnam's films - after contemplation of course. But the last two years found me stumbling into one same object , one after another. First, I saw Parthale Paravasam (Balachander), and Simran was its heroine. Then, Pammal K. Sambanthan (Kamal) and Simran was the heroine. Maniratnam released Kannattil Muttamittal and the movie sounded promising and guess what, Simran was the heroine. If at all I hadn't enough of her, Kamal's new movie also had...well, you get the idea.

You see, it is my opinion that Simran's talent lie between her neck and her thigh. If you consider that as a talent, enjoy it while it lasts. She has a dramatic intensity of a Vogue model and comedic timing of a politician. Her looks are no different from the puppets from Bollywood. Well, I could go on and intensify the rage amongst Simran fans, but I'm just wasting my time.

What about this movie? It sucks. I had no prior knowledge or expectations for this movie. I must have caught a few trailers and posters, but I didn't give a damn since I know what an exhibitionist Kamal is in pre-publicity stunts. I have trust in his talent, having grown watching his movies and been loyal to him all these years. But still, I was disappointed. Worse, on many occasions I was embarrassed and irritated.

What went wrong? I can say that Crazy Mohan's famed funny dialogues didn't hit the mark. Even when Kamal is delivering. How can you make tons of jokes out of hole-in-a-heart situation?

There are five important characters in the movie that includes Jeyaram, Ramesh Arvind, U.G Sethu and Shriman, When they are in together, everybody wants to talk. Nobody has a personality beyond the French beard on their faces. Jeyaram's talent, especially, was absolutely wasted. Talk about waste. What about Oorvasi and Aishwarya? These two can be superb in comedy, but they end up doing minor supporting role, with lines that could have embarrassed Crazy himself, if at all he had taken the time to revise it. Waste. Waste.

Kamal is beginning to bore me. He plays an extended version of his playboy as in Manmatha Leelai, with more hysteria. His delivery is an extension of his Pammal, Thenali, Avvai Shanmugi and Kathala Kathala. I am beginning to get bored. Sometimes, I feel like he is screaming for attention in this movie. Especially from the beginning of second half of the movie, when his character and his pals has to deal a certain delicate situation. Everybody is talking and he is screaming asking them to shut up. It happens all the time that I just want to shut my ears.

K. S. Ravi Kumar may be known as an economical and successful director, but all in all he sucks. He depends on the star and some standard cheap formula to make his movie work. Padaiyappa, Muthu, Avvai Shanmugi and Thenali were his biggest hits because of Rajini and Kamal. The other films he directed are basically a remake of his first hit, Nattamai. I don't rate him high as a director, though I think he is a great comedian as an actor.

Kamal got to do something about his next film. I would like him to alternate between comedy and serious or mainstream action movies. Alavandhan came in between his Thenali and Pammal, the two movies I had relished over and over again. Panchatanthiram is nowhere near that two. In fact, it could have been a good action thriller. The early hijack scene promised so much, but ended flat, highlighting romance instead. The murder that is supposed to be crucial in the plot could have improved the pace into a rapid suspense thriller - say in the fashion of The Fugitive - but they have to put Simran in and show Kamal as a misunderstood husband. Aaaaaaaaaargh!

Wait, I want to grumble some more. Did you hear the music? Kamal sounded embarrassing singing Deva's song. Deva has the creativity of a parakeet, only he is louder. Why Kamal keep working with this mis-conceived composer is beyond me. This is only the songs, I haven't talked about the background score. Need I?

Come on, Kamal. It may be wrong to have high expectation on you, but you are our only hope. I grew up watching Tamil movies, and I have all the desire to see it doing well. Seeing Bollywood features like Laagan getting accolades only burn me up. You should be there. You need the long-deserved recognition which you didn't just because the Northerners use colour and glamour for marketing.

Now, the good news is the audience enjoyed it. Maybe the quality of comedies in other films are so bad, that they are relieved with this one. I don't know. I am out of touch with new films. So, the fault is probably with me. Maybe it is just my lousy taste. Out there I can hear someone saying, "This feller doesn't know how to appreciate good movie."

I have said earlier that I don't watch new Tamil films, except Rajini and Kamal. Now, if Kamal were to work with Ravi Kumar again, boy, I will be 'Hamlet'ing before deciding to watch it.

P.S. Kamal, please stop aping all those Hollywood stunts. I would list all those stunts and its original source, but it would just hurt myself, the curse of being your fan. Those interested on arguing about this, write to me.

Additional notes (7/7/2002):

As soon as I sent out messages about this review, I received a call. "You have been warned by a Kamal fan,". It was my cousin Prem Kumar; so it eliminated the risk of getting assasinated from rooftops. Anyway, since we meet on tennis games, there is good chance of him chasing me around the court with a tennis racket. A game without the balls.

My message is this. I want to be honest with my comments. If I am biased, I will let you know. I don't know how many are visiting my site, but I am sure that the most frequent visitor is me. In many ways, the comments are monologues (monologues are getting good attention these days, ey?) But of course, I would like to see responses. My cousin's response would be the same as mine if someone wrote bad reviews of an Eastwood or Connery movie. At the same time, I need to understand that if I don't like it (like Eastwood's Bridges on Madison County, and plenty of Connery's), I have to admit that I don't like it.I might say, Eastwood is good but the movie sucks.

Likewise, it is the same with Pancha Tanthiram. Kamal got to present us with  a new trick. We have seen all these before, and worse, there are just too many wasted opportunities. He must dispense with Ravi Kumar and that marrionette named Simran and make some real movies like Hey Ram or Alavandhan; or even try to make a high-quality comedy that will match his Michael Madhana Kamarajan - which had neither Ravi Kumar or Simran. Look into your past, Kamal, and think what made them great, which, in turn, allowed us to retain the respect and love we always had for you.

End of monologue.